More Fun in the Kitchen

¡Divertido en la cocina! I learned how to cook some sopa de vegetales (some vegetables I'm not sure if I can get in the States, like "wiskil"), and helped make tortillas from scratch. Very educational! I REALLY want to learn to make reillanitos and mole con platanos, but they promised that would come in the following week. I hope I can duplicate these dishes. Sooo goood...

Work was good, and I'm trying to learn new concepts in Spanish every chance I can on the internet, where there are tons of resources. My next goal is to make a list of ideas from my book that the teachers can continue to draw from after I leave, but I'll have to translate them before I leave.

I had a greeeat talk with Estuardo, who is becoming an even closer friend as the days go by, almost like the fraternal twin brother I never had. We're very comfortable giving each other a hard time, but that's just the way siblings show love, right? Hehehe, we know it's all in fun, and it's nice to feel comfortable being myself. In fact, that's one of the things he talked to me about--being myself more. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I change my behavior without realizing it. Maybe it's a pattern of self-protection from my childhood. Whatever it is, it's good to be aware of it more so that I can change it.

I really want to be myself with everyone I meet, without pretense or masks. It's scary to think about, but I know that's how Jesus must have been: genuine and whole-hearted.

Tonight, I felt really emotional, because I read some emails from home that made me realize how much I missed everyone. I feel like I'm missing out on some great memories with my friends back home, but I knew that would be one of the costs of coming here, and I try to console myself with the fact that there will be more opportunites to build memories when I return. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything! Even the experience of being more grateful for what I have back in the States.

I think my wander-lust is begining to fade, though I still want to travel...I'm beginning to see the value in having a base...a home. And there are so many resources in America that I'm beginning to appreciate more and more. There are also many things about America I don't like, but maybe that's what I need to try to change, to make a difference in my country, my culture...my home.

I'm eating a lot more than I usually do--partly because of the culture, partly the types of food (very heavy), and partly the way I escape from unconscious emotions. I think I've gained a little weight, and I feel less energized. I've got to change my habits, but it's been a bit of a challenge. Some of the food is SO GOOD. ;)

Now We're Cooking!

Another great lesson with the teachers! I taught them about developing speech through drama, and more specifically, developing confidence to speak at all. It was so fun. We did a few exercises in a marketplace, where everyone became a vendor selling wares of different kinds. I had music to start them off, and to take away the awkard silence at the beginning, and everyone began talking at once as directed. (That keeps people from feeling like they're being watched by anyone else, and builds confidence.) The exercises developed as we went, and I can see the growing enjoyment and excitement in the teachers' eyes as they realize how valuable this work is for their students (and even for themselves).

After lunch, Edgar came early to pick me up, so I got an extra half-day in the office. :D That's always a bonus for me, since I need the internet for most of my work.

I had lunch with Estuardo at "Betsy King" and was inspired to talk to the women in the kitchen.

"Esta muy rico!" I said, which means "This is delicious!" I've been wanting to learn how to cook some of my favorite dishes here, so I told them so.

The head cook, a short, stout woman, smiled up at me and said, "Te enseñare." That means, "I'll teach you."

So, we worked out a schedule of when I'd be available to help in the kitchen, and I start tomorrow! I'm so excited! ¡Hasta luego!

¡Ofrenda Especial! (Special Contribution)

I actually felt a little frustrated today, but don't know why. Evelyn and I went shopping again (this woman is INCREDIBLY patient and giving). She treated me to the best waffle cone and pistachio ice cream I've had in Guatemala since Pollo Campero got rid of their pistachio flavored frosty cones (I'm still praying they bring those back before I leave!), and I picked up a lot of things for the household.

I never realized how long cooking and preparation take. It took me 2 hours after getting home to organize what I bought, to cook lunch, and then clean up the mess I made. The good thing is that I have food for the next week or two.

I tried to do laundry, but it always seemed someone beat me to the machine when I went to put my clothes in. Oh! That may be why I was frustrated. And I guess I was tired from all the cleaning.

Oh well! One thing I'm learning here in Guatemala, don't sweat the small stuff. So, I didn't have a lot to choose from as far as church-clothes go--somehow, I ended up being more dressed-up than I'd been since I came to Guatemala. :)

Today was the church's Special Contribution, and of all things, I forgot my camera! It was so cute to see the children's ministry perform a little song and dance, and then give their offering to kick off the rest of the service. The room was decorated with all kinds of "Thank You!" notes and expressions of appreciate from God. I was humbled to see their ministry of older women giving their contribution, which they earned by selling food they made every week before and after church. In fact, they have a little restaurant at the top of the church building that they run to raise money for themselves. It's inspiring, and the food is great! Chadd affectionately coined the place "Betsy King" on our last visit, after Betsy, the older woman who runs the restaurant. She is a peach! I'll have to post a picture of her when I get a chance.

But I digress.

After service, George, Elizabeth, Evelin (2), and I went to a chinese restaurant for dinner. I ordered sweet and sour chicken (SO GOOD) and we all shared some of our plates. I devoured my portion. Something about the pollution in Guatemala City really works up the appetite. Jejeje (Spanish for "hehehe"). George and I had a great, deep talk about relationships, and I was touched by the story of how he and his girlfriend fell in love. Once again, these people's hearts of unconditional love and faithfulness to God is inspiring. I'll have to tell you the story sometime...but I have to go! Talk to you soon!

Quality Time con Elizabeth

A pretty kick-back day. The two Evelyns went to a wedding rehearsal while I stayed home with Elizabeth. We had a really great talk, continuing a conversation we'd had last week after the date, regarding hurt and fears keeping us from showing more love to men in the church. Elizabeth hadn't been on a date in 1 and 1/2 years! It was 2 years since she had been asked by any of the Christian men, and she only felt that she had 1 real friendship with a guy in the church. I told her about the plan Evelyn and I had to host an encouragement night at our house, so that the brothers would have more opportunity to invite sisters out on a date (not just ones they liked), then we talked about our responsibility as Christian women to love our brothers in the faith. We decided to challenge ourselves by praying about one brother to give our hearts to unconditionally, without any expectation, and for the sole purpose of encouraging him and helping him feel God's love through us.

We prayed that night by candlelight, after watching some TV together and sewing some patches on our couches in cute shapes to cover up the holes that had grown from frequent use. Overall, it was a very fun, bonding night, just the two of us.

Happy B-Day, Brandon!

A quick call to Brandon in the morning to wish him a Happy Birthday, and I was off to the HOPE school with Edgar.

Now, as a Christian, you'd think I'd be relying on the source of my hope and purpose every day, but honestly, I've recently neglected the most important thing in my work with Drama and the vision I have for Education: God. Today, I prayed specifically for my lessons, for specific outcomes and the reactions of the teachers, for God's glory in all of this. That made ALL the difference. I felt things working out smoothly, I felt a change in the teachers' attitudes. I don't think I felt much different, though I had renewed faith and determination, but could tell God was orchestrating a great workshop. I repeated the lesson from Monday, apologized for the lack of clarity last time, and really felt a connection with the teachers as I explained how they could use this exercise with their class.

We all had fun, and by the end of it, I could feel the built trust, the confidence of the class, and their sheer wonder of how drama could instantly revitalize and energize life and learning. They were beginning to see why I was so passionate about Drama being a vital tool in education! They were beginning to share my vision, and the vision of Brian Way (the biggest influence on my views of Drama and Education).

In a few sentences of prayer, I had gone from discouraged and doubtful about whether there was value in my mission, to faithful and determined; from insecurity in communicating my lessons, to confidently leading exercises that were fun, enriching, and informative; from independance and self-reliance, to deference and dependance on the creator of the UNIVERSE, not to mention Drama and Education.

As simple as prayer is, I'm blown away by its power. I think that's what God wanted me to realize--that I can't take credit for this. Just asking for guidance was enough to bring more results than all my research, planning, worrying, and controlling.

I have a feeling I am going to run up against this lesson at least a few more times before I die. ;)

¡Adios por ahora!

Thumby Balboa - Halfway Point

Time for Thumby's rebuttle to my roomies' thumbs' challenge. Hehehe. After I finished some work and had a little free time, I made an impromptu parady of Rocky Balboa's training sequence for YouTube.

I had a great time at the Single's service tonight, too. Probably the best one yet! I'll be honest, I've almost fallen asleep a few times during the messages these past few weeks. Maybe it's the sickness, maybe it's the mental exhaustion of trying to assimilate a new language 24/7, or maybe it's the heavy foods I've been eating that sit so nicely in my stomach. (I think I've gained a little weight since I've been here, too, hehehe.) Anyway, this service, I sat right up front so I wouldn't be tempted to doze. I took notes, and really focused on being present and engaged. It was great! I sat next to Marlenne, one of the sisters I knew from my trip last November, and who speaks a little English. One of the brothers from the date last Saturday (Elizabeth's date, who played guitar) was sitting next to me and gave me a souvenire mug of the most beautiful landscape in Guatemala. (I REALLY like it [me encanta], and have té de Manzanilla [Chamomile tea] in it for my times with God every morning.)

Anywho, I can't believe I'm approaching the halfway point of my trip. I know it's only going to go by faster from here on out, but try not to think about it. I'll miss this place...the people...the culture...the generosity...the humility...the hugs...the kisses...the love...

I'm getting emotional just thinking about it.

Be grateful for every moment, Shaela. Life is short, and this trip is only a fraction of it.

¡Adios por ahora!

Thoughts and Reflections

No work today! Woohoo! I took the day off so I could rest, and BOY did I rest. I slept until 10:30am! 'went to bed at 10pm-ish, too. That hit the spot. I think the worst of this flu is over. I took the rest of the day to relax, study some Spanish grammar, watch some movies in Spanish with English subtitles, and clean up the house a little. (Laundry and the like.) Gotta get rid of all those germs so I don't reinfect myself.

What else did I do? Mmm...not much. It was a great day!

I'll take this opportunity to describe a little bit of life in Guatemala. It's noisy. The walls are thin, so you can hear the neighbors' music (which they like to play loud), along with layers of other sounds coming from my roommates' rooms, their radios, the TV, and the like. I'm so grateful for ear-plugs. :D Hehehe. And my iPod has been keeping me sane, with a little help from Enya and my "Sounds of Nature" MP3's. I guess you get used to it. I haven't been too exasperated by all the noise, but sometimes, when I'm really tired, I'm very aware of how it affects me. I never knew how much I enjoyed the sounds of silence. (Name the band who sang that song...10 points!)

Have I mentioned how much masquitos love me? I find an average of 3-4 new bites every day, although lately I've been finding ways to reduce that number to 2-3. Namely, thick pants, sweatshirts, and socks wherever I go. I wish I could take a picture of one of these suckers close up. They're vicious. They've gotten through some of my clothes, and find me when I'm most exposed, even if it's just for a few seconds! Bloody buggers...literally.

Well, life is good. ¡Cuidate!

A Day of Encouragement in the Office

Physically, I'm feeling about the same, maybe even a little worse, but medicine is amazing. I was able to pop some pills and go to the HOPE office to get some work done, as well as keep in touch with my friends in America. I got some much-needed encouragement from my roommates' YouTube video challenge for Thumby. I also received a package in the mail (my first one!) from a friend in America, who had read Fuzzy Land to his Children's Ministry class one Sunday. He sent me the pictures his class drew of their favorite fuzzy characters, telling me how they loved the story. I was very touched!

After a full day in the office, Estuardo and I were picked up by Evelyn and dropped off at home just in time for me to throw dinner on the stove. (Porcupines and mashed potatoes! Mmm mmm!) Estuardo invited one of his friends along, Herber, to make up for a hang-out time they missed yesterday, which worked out perfectly. I called the missionaries to see if they were coming, but it turns out that Elder Moore was sick (I hope I didn't give him my infirmidad!), so they couldn't.

Well, we had a great dinner, the four of us (my roomie, Elizabeth, joined us), and I made reillanitos for dessert. By the time the guys left, I was pooped and ready for bed. (Or as Evelyn would say, "Necesito mi cama, y mi cama me necesita"--"I need my bed, and my bed needs me.")

¡Buenas noches!

Turbulance in My Purpose

Okay, so I'm really trying to make each of my lessons count, but lately, I don't feel very effective. The teachers don't seem interested in or won over by the methods I'm teaching them. Sometimes I doubt if these techniques are really effective after all, or worthwhile to anyone but me. Then I remember how much my students have enjoyed the lessons, and how much I myself have, and I realize I need to find a way to make these teachers feel the same joy in my workshops with them. Maybe it's because I haven't sparked their interest yet. I need to find out what works for them, or what makes them feel comfortable.

Today I tried some exercises more to do with the subjects they may be able to use Drama to reinforce, such as reading stories, and there was some more interest than usual. But because most of today was experimental, and I was still feeling woozy on medication, I felt unprepared, which I'm sure spilled out into my lesson in the scattered way it was conducted. When lessons aren't communicated with confidence and clarity, it doesn't matter how valuable the knowledge it--the lesson won't be effective. That's what I'm coming to realize, anyway.

Still, there were some very good experiences, and I think I know where to focus next time. I'll just repeat the lesson on Friday when I'm fully aware and cognizant.

Later that night, I went shopping with all my roomies (mis compañeras) to buy groceries and food for the missionaries tomorrow night. I left them a message, but am not sure they got it. Estuardo said he could join us for dinner, so hopefully they'll still be able to come.

I'm really having fun with my roomies, but I am very aware of attitudes that sometimes crop up in my heart. For instance, I'm encountering a LOT of selfish feelings. I think their generosity is making me more acutely aware of them, as are situations which challenge my trust and generosity. This trip has been so good for me. I just hope I can continue to monitor and repent of these things when I'm back in my comfort zone in America.

Slowly on the Road to Recovery

Estoy infermaaaa! (I'm sick...Waaah...)

Friday I woke up with a fever and the dizziness of the flu in full swing. I had to cancel one of my classes with the teachers (I was hoping not to miss any days, but it couldn't be helped) and took the day off to rest and recoop. At night, I felt well enough to go shopping with Evelyn for groceries and necessary household items. Evelyn is so giving! She constantly makes herself available for my needs, and has a wonderful heart about it! I have so much to learn from her example.

I felt a little better after sleeping until 10:30am on Saturday morning, but since Evelyn, Elizabeth, and I were encouraging some brothers that night, I spent the rest of the day getting things prepared (at a slower pace, since I was still feeling a bit groggy). I took some medicine and felt better by the end of the night when we had our date. It was great! My mom sent me her lauded recipe for "Porcupines" which were ground beef meatballs covered with rice and a red sauce with Worcestershire sauce (did I spell that right?), and creamy mashed potatoes on the side. Everyone LOVED the food, and I was glad to share a taste of American cuisine with my Guatemalan friends. The missionaries (Elder Moore and Elder Pollock) stopped by during our dinner to see if I got their invite to a church event celebrating "Pioneer Day." I told them that I appreciated their warm invitations, and communicated more clearly my intentions for having them over. (Not to return to the LDS church, but to share kindness, and hopefully tell them more about my story.) They understood, and reiterated that I was always welcome, regardless. I thanked them, then set a tentative night when I could have them over for dinner. (I plan on serving the same dish I did for the date--it was such a hit! And I bet they're hankering for some home-cooking from their homeland, huh?)

Let me tell you more about the date! It was really fun. After dinner and reillanitos for dessert, we played some Poker, and it eventually became date against date between Evelyn, her date, and me and Quincho (my date, who happens to speak a little English, thankfully.) We won! Woohoo! Oh...hehehe...

To top off the night, we all went up to the roof and sang songs to God to the off-tune sounds of my guitar. (But first, the guys gave us a lovely rendition of "La Bamba.") Elizabeth's date, Jerardo, also plays guitar, so he busted out some songs I didn't know, and everyone sang along while I kept beat on an upturned pot I'd been sitting on. Good times, but the night air started to get to me. I was feeling worse.

After Elizabeth and Jerardo prayed, the guys encouraged each of their dates in turn, and we ended the date feeling uplifted and encouraged. We said goodnight and the guys helped Quincho down the stairs (one of his legs doesn't work, so we walks on crutches). What a great guy, he is, and such a big heart! Definitely like a big-brother for me here in Guatemala.

Once the guys had left, I started to get ready for bed, but Elizabeth put on one of the movies we rented for the date (but didn't watch), and I got hooked. I stayed up until 1am just to finish "In America," which I must say is a great movie. Bad idea, though. I felt the germs celebrating.

So, it's no surprise that I woke up feeling sick again, and won't be going to church or to Edgar's children's birthday party later. So, I'm sitting here at home, trying to recoop completely so I can give my lesson tomorrow for the teachers. I can't miss another one! There are too few as it is.

I guess I should be laying in bed trying to sleep...huh? You were thinking that, weren't you! Okay, fine...I'll try to rest. Talk to you later!

El Flú

Today I'm feeling the flu coming on. My roommate Elizabeth has been sick all week, and I was afraid it was only a matter of time before I caught it. I hate to say I was right, but I was right. I gargled some nasty salt-water (wakala!) and dropped some hydrogen peroxide in my ear-canal (little tricks I was taught to kill germs at the source). We'll see what happens. I might take a nap in the office bed (they have everything here!) and hopefully kick this thing before it's fully grown.

Work at the HOPE School has been great! The teachers are responding more and more to the work I'm doing there, especially as I've been doing some demonstrative exercises with their students and they see the principles come alive.

Emotionally, I feel SO much better than the first four days of my trip. I'm learning the language gradually, and my relationships have been great.

Emotional Release

Okay, sorry for the long silence (textually), but you can always catch a glimpse of my past weeks via my video blog.

Tonight was really hard, emotionally. I caught myself eating mindlessly, which for me is a sure sign of avoidance. What was I avoiding? God, actually. I felt guilty for not praying more the past few days, and instead of just taking the time to pray, I was turning to distraction. When I realized what I was doing, and once Evelyn got home and asked me how I felt (since I seemed different), I got honest with her and with myself, and we prayed. I think it goes without saying that I felt MUCH better after some heartfelt honesty with God, releasing my fears and pain through much needed tears.

Meeting with the Missionaries

Remember those missionaries I met within the first few days of my arrival? Well, they stopped by tonight and visited a bit. I explained to them why I was in Guatemala, and they shared a bit about their own trips. (Two of them had been here around a year.) It was a blast to the past, and a bit weird, since it's been over 6 years since I converted to Christianity. (Most of you know I grew up LDS until I was about 14.)

We sang an LDS song I remembered from their songbook (the Spanish version) and one of them prayed, and I invited them to dinner sometime. They invited me to church. Hehehe. Of course. They're missionaries, remember? Anywho, I admire their tenacity and drive, and I hope I can encourage them with some American cooking one of these nights. And, who knows, maybe I'll get to share more of my life and how God has changed me.

In any case, it's nice to see some familiar faces, so to speak.

Woohoo! Un gran dia! Out the door at 9am, then I had my second lesson at the HOPE School at 10am, and things went pretty well. The teachers are a bit reticent to try some of the exercises I proposed, so I'll have to find some creative ways to build their confidence and offer more privacy in their work. (It's hard to do these dramatic exercises if you're afraid of what people think of you.) If I can get the teachers to loosen up and participate in the exercises more freely, they'll understand the benefit drama can give their students. So...baby steps. We'll start even more basic next time.

After my lesson, I shared lunch with Tania, one of the teachers who spoke a few words of English here and there, then filled in for one of the teachers for about 40 minutes! Estuardo translated for me, and I had to think quickly to come up with things to do with them. Gratefully, they were 11-13 years of age, so they were a bit more manageable and yet still young enough to enjoy these types of dramatic exercises. I mimed for them at the beginning to get their attention, then we did some dramatic exercises in what they learned about plants growing. I had them grow from seeds (semillas), which they curled up very small by their desks to become, into whatever plant they wanted which they had learned about recently. We did a few more exercises with a storm coming, destroying most of the "flowers," and then some exercises in growing the different parts of the plant in the order which they developed. I think they will always remember how a flower grows, now, having become one themselves. And I believe they had fun. They even clapped for me when I left! Definitely the highlight of my day! Maybe I'll get to teach that class again. I might have the other teachers observing me next time, so they can see how the students respond to the dramatic exercises, and how useful drama can be for their development and understanding.

I played ping-pong with Josue (another teacher) on their home-made table for a couple of hours while I waited for Edgar to pick me up at 5pm. Then we went to Pollo Campero and I helped Edgar with his English classwork. (He's taking an English course and is in the very beginning stages, so it's interesting trying to communicate and teach one another. He's helping my Spanish!) He treated me to a frosty cone as payment, which I was happy to accept.

After Edgar dropped me off at home, I cleaned the kitchen (those dishes pile up fast!) and tried to figure out how to turn the tempurature down on the fridge. (My eggs were frozen this morning, ha ha ha.) I cooked some fried-rice for Evelin and Elizabeth, which they really appreciated, and will try my hand at rellenitos before the night is done.

Now, I'm ready to use that guitar for the first time with my roomies on our roof. I love the sky here! (¡Amo el cielo aqui!) Adios por ahora!

Una Desparida

The day started out good, (I bought a guitar for cheap, for my music lessons and personal worship), but took a dive when I let frustration get hold of me before church. I was organizing the house, and the more invested I get in the way I straighten things, the more it bothers me when someone else messes it up. So, I'm embarrassed to say, when Evelin unpacked my stuff and put it in drawers or in places around the room (a very nice gesture!), I felt attitude! Oy! Ayayay!

I apologized on the way to church for making a short comment about not being able to find things as we were getting ready, but Evelin didn't notice my attitude. It still felt good to own it.

Church was okay--I felt very tired and my stomach was upset, and I actually began dozing during the message! No one was translating for me, so I felt a little strange and disconnected from everyone. The loneliness again! At least I had my bilingual Bible, so I could read the whole scripture in the lesson and form my own points. Hahaha. It was pretty similar to what was taught.

After church, things got a bit tougher, and yet there were blessings to keep me holding on. A sister I knew from America was visiting for the next few days, so we talked and connected during a going-away party ("desparida") for another American sister who had been serving in the Youth Corps for 2 years there in Guatemala. We ate at Pollo Campero (I love thier frosty cones, but they don't have Pistachio flavor anymore!) and I had some fun taking pictures, though the loneliness in my heart grew everytime I saw others laughing and hugging and just being intimate with one another.

Cuando, mi Padre! When will I feel normal again!

Cenar con la familia de Evelyn.

Sooo...today was pretty good! I got to go grocery shopping at last, and cleaned up around the house. I felt more at peace in my heart (having time by myself to talk with God or just get organized really helps me) and I felt more and more settled.

¡Gracias por Dios! He's getting me through this somehow.

At night, I went with Evelin and Elizabeth (fui con Evelin y Elizabeth) to her parents' house (a la casa de los papas de Evelin) and had dinner to celebrate her brother's birthday. It was fun to mime for some of the younger family, although part of me did want to go home after a few hours. I was feeling tired and needing some time to prepare for the next week.

Evelin proves to be a constant source of encouragement, as I get open almost nightly about my lonely feelings or struggles. No matter how early she has to work the next morning, she's always ready with an open heart and willing ear.

The Storm is Passing Over

Up until now, prayer has been difficult. God feels far-off and I feel tired of reaching for him, but I still make the attempt. There is some wall between us, and I know it has to do with my unresolved friendship.

My first lesson at the HOPE school went very well! I was so happy to teach the "maestros" and see the principles I've been researching come to life. I'm so excited to continue sharing these great methods, and to see how the teachers themselves benefit from the lessons.

After a few more hours, Edgar gave me a ride back to the HOPE office.

Resolution at last! I took a leap of faith and just got open with my friend. Such a relief! I feel like I got my friend back and let go of a big weight at the same time. Now I'm beginning to really enjoy the trip, and all that I can learn and experience here. After our great talk, I climbed the ladder to the roof of the HOPE office and prayed the first deeply connected and hopeful prayer I've prayed in what feels like a long time.

The storm is passing over!

Later that night, I went with Evelin to her brother's house to have dinner with the family. As we pulled out of our driveway, who should I see but 2 LDS gringo missionaries! My window was down as they walked toward my side of the car, so I waved and said "Hola!" and to their amazement, "Hello!" in perfect American dialect. I told them they should stop by sometime, and after some introductions, pointed to which door was mine. Maybe I can have them over for dinner sometime! Gotta feed the missionaries! I must say, being a former LDS member, I felt a sense of home and family at the sight of them. Fellow Americans out to make a difference in a foreign land!

Evelin's family lived about 20 minutes away. Everyone was so warm and welcoming. when we arrived. I had such a great time (my heart really felt free again), and didn't even feel uncomfortable that no one spoke much English. That's the power of being out-of-yourself and loving. Why can't I stay in this zone more often? Well, this trip is going to give me a LOT of opportunity to practice.

Here's to trials that teach us to be more like Christ! Salud!

A Day in the Office

My first official day in the office. I got to answer some emails and work on my lesson. Things were still a bit tricky between my friend and I, as I was still debating how to bring up how I felt.

Instead of getting distracted by emotions, I fixed my attention on getting my lesson together, and actually felt some real excitement and hope about my purpose for the first time since arriving in Guatemala.

As my lesson came together, I thought, "Maybe God will make a difference through this...through me..."

Primero Dios (a Guatemalan way to say, "If it is God's will.")

My Independance Day in Guatemala

The next day, we went back to the HOPE school to plan the rest of my schedule with the teachers. I'll be teaching them for about 5 hours a week, one lesson on Monday, and another on Friday. Not as much time as I was hoping for, but enough. Tuesdays and Thursdays would be my time in the office to prepare and translate my lessons, and Wednesday would be a day for observing the teachers and helping them in any other needs they might have.

Things were definitely progressing, even though it was another difficult day. My friend and I were still not resolved from yesterday, and I felt very distant and unsure how to act.

Though it was Independence Day in America, I felt far from free in my heart. Still, I was getting through it, somehow. Poco a poco. (Little by little.)

My Arrival in Guatemala

Aside from my plane being delayed an hour, I had a painless flight, and actually made a couple of new friends (Ruddy and Joanna). Ruddy is a native Guatemalan who now lives in Van Nuys, so I invited him to church when we both get back from visiting Guatemala. He's a nice man with a wife and family at home. He was very helpful at the end of the flight, taking me through the airport and helping me with my bags while teaching me some Spanish phrases to impress my friends with.

I was so excited to see Estuardo and Edgar (my old HOPE Worldwide friends) when I came out of the airport! They had a sign for me that said "Bienvenida, Shaela!!!" which I got to keep, and then we went right to the HOPE school to drop off another volunteer from San Diego who was training the teachers on classroom management and Special Education. (His name was Pedro, and a very fine teacher from what I could tell.)

Soon after arriving at the HOPE School, Satan wasted no time attacking my weakest point (loneliness), as one of the only two close friendships I have in Guatemala was severely threatened, and I spent the next 8 hours surrounded by people I hardly knew, who spoke almost no English, and who had no idea what I was going through. I cried a lot while trying to take a nap in the bedroom with no doors right next to the screaming baby and an overly curious 3-year-old who wouldn't give me a moment's peace, even when I tried hiding under the covers. I can only thank God for my earplugs and iPod, and the music list I had prepared for just such an emotional crisis.

Uplifting and therapeutic songs took the sting off my heartbreak, but I still felt foolish, unsure, and alone. The world had blackened around me, and suddenly my most colorful passions for the poor children of Guatemala faded to gray behind the pain and misery in my heart. How emotions can cloud and transform our lives in an instant!

Falling asleep amidst tears and prayers relieved some of the heartache, and after a few short naps and some better interaction with the family I was staying with, I made it through the rest of the night until Evelin came to pick me up and take me to my temporary home here in Guatemala. Seeing her again (my other best friend in Guatemala) and being able to speak English freely about my feelings made such a difference. A ray of hope slashed through the bleakness of my despair.

God was giving me strength, little by little, to carry on in this mission to spread hope. He was still leading me--he had to be--but it felt like all I could do was to hold on to his fingertips and try to keep up as I stumbled after him in the darkness.